You have a lot of people around you right now that think that they have your interest at heart, but I find their process abhorrent. People should not live their lives dictated by teams, even if that includes our families. It means replacing one form of dependence for another. If I were you, I would tell everybody to go to hell, including me most of all. It is your life, and your life alone. You are extremely smart, talented, and most of all your own person. Speak your speech as you alone would have it, and not let anybody manipulate you into telling you what is best for you.
They are treating you as if I am dangerous drug to you, that you must be weaned off me. Their goal is destroy us at all costs, and if that doesn't happen, they will never proclaim you cured. But they will control you forever whether there is an us or not. They will be always the 500 pound gorilla in the corner of every relationship for the rest of your life. But they have no legal control. Only what you give them. They want you to stay weak, because that's their power over you.
My life will go on regardless. They don't need to socially lobotomize me, just remove me from the scene. They are actually offering a deal of sorts. It involves me just vanishing from your life in the end. Of course, I will end up very bloodied regardless, but nobody will be looking over my shoulder after that, as they will be with you. And they are actually hoping that I want to embrace the alternative lifestyle. They will probably make that very easy for me, if I make that the condition. That will remove me, and will make me weak too, which I can't let happen. They don't really know me at all. Acting weak is not who I am. Never has been.
But most of all, I can't just imagine a life without you. When I first knew you, I saw the pain in your soul, but I also saw the incredible beauty. I wanted so badly to take that pain from you, but I never could. It was too broad and too deep. In the end, it swamped me as well. Maybe a more centered man could have managed it better, but I had my own demons too, and in the end, there were just too many of them between us.
Angel Babe, I don't know what is in store for us, but there are very few reasons to be optimistic. I am really worried about you most of all. You see, I still love you, and I have never stopped loving you. I want only what is best for you, and that means you standing on two feet without anybody else telling you what to do. As you might remember, I used say that love is a choice, and not a need. I wanted it always to be that way with you.
I call this blog "Remember the Park", and you know perfectly well what significance that phrase has in our relationship. It was the saddest time in our relationship up to now. But it was also beautiful because there was so much love. And our relationship did indeed survive that. That is my vision now. Keep the faith Angel Babe and look inward to find what is in your heart. Don't be afraid to see what is really there. That I trust!
Forever and Ever,
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