Sweet Angel, love of my life. This is the song I play over and over today as I go about the many things I must do now. The circumstances here don't exactly fit us, but the symbolism does. It's the story of a lack symmetry in a relationship. It was always me that really gave a damn about all it meant to have an us. And I fought so hard, for so long to make all that happen.
Absolutely all of the responsibility for that fell on me. I had to literally be your everything. If you want to know the number one source of my anger in our relationship, it was always rooted in that. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore weight on my shoulders, you always found a way of throwing a few more pounds on top. You would turn your ever need of the moment into a defining test of my love for you. I would actually repeatedly beg you for relief, but you never heard me at all. You could never empathize when I was hurting, and I was hurting a lot.
All I wanted at all was to see you truly happy. I dreamed of that for years. And it was across so many dimensions. You always reduced that to just a couple and refused to see the rest. Why couldn't you see all the other dimensions in which I was loving you? And why couldn't I see that you couldn't see? That is my own issue that I need to figure out. And that is the real tragedy here.
I am so terribly sorry that for one brief but tragic moment in our relationship I chose to do something that you find utterly repugnant, and yes by not being perfectly honest, I was very deceptive.
But our entire relationship has been built on us playing foolish games where neither of us was really seeing what was going on inside the other. I loved you more than you ever will know. I used to say that to you, and yes it sounds like a cliche, but it turned out to be rather prophetic.
And in my case, I saw all of your love, and always thought that there had to be more to it. I deceived myself in that regard, and I am truly sorry for me putting that expectation on you. I am the one completely a fault here. I promised you something that was utterly impossible to deliver by anybody, at least for long.
Forever,
G
Jewel - Foolish Games
You took your coat off and
stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...
These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.
You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.
You'd teach me of honest things,
Things that were daring, things that were clean.
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.
I hid my soiled hands behind my back.
Somewhere along the line, I must've got
Off track with you.
Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.
These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.
You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
No comments:
Post a Comment